First off, let me apologize for being radio silent on here for so long. While my wife can handle a packed day and work into the night to deliver you meaningful content and stories, I on the other hand, pass out shortly after Logan does. An aerial shot of our bed at 10:00pm would consistently show Logan and me comatose in the exact same position, while Ravelle is sitting up, typing on her portable desk. In short, she has way more energy than I do.
Which, actually leads me to my point: keeping intimacy strong (read: hot and heavy) when a baby comes into the mix and your energy levels aren’t quite what they used to be when it was just the two of you.
Keeping the spice alive as husband and wife, while also being dad and mom is not always easy. You have to work to make sure you two have time to yourselves to reconnect without your baby(ies), albeit cute, by your side. Or in our case, in between the two of us as we kind of screwed ourselves by letting Logan sleep in our bed a few times when he was sick, and he’s boycotted the crib ever since. Here are some ways we try to keep our bond strong, while maneuvering the demands and challenges of parenthood and life in general.
His inconsistent sleeping habits makes it difficult to really plan a night out, especially as some nights he wakes up within an hour of going down and others he’ll sleep for 3-hours before waking. We’ve adjusted by planning “date days!” Dipping out for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon, while he’s occupied playing with GiGi or YaYa is such a great way to reconnect and do something for both ourselves and each other.
Getting tapas, checking out a matinee, grabbing a couple’s massage or simply just going for a walk with only each other (we love strolling down Murphy’s Bridle Path since we live so close to it) can be such an excellent way disconnect from everything else and reconnect with your spouse. Take these minutes/hours to just get lost in each other and remember how you felt and how you acted when you were first crushing on the now mother/father of your children.
2. Constant Communication: Ravelle and I talk throughout the day. We talk in-person, we text/gchat when I’m traveling for work, and we FaceTime at night when I have to stay in hotels. Even if it’s just to say “hi” or update the other on our perspective days, it’s so important not to let a good chunk of the day slip by without some sort of communication. I know for us, even when things get crazy or I’m hundreds of miles away on a work trip, these small pockets of communication help us to feel close and connected to each other.
3. Body Contact: Hugging, spooning, hand-holding, kissing, booty smacking — all of it counts as body contact. Numerous studies have shown that some sort of physical expression between two people (at least eight per day) can create feel-good energy for both the giver and recipient. My suggestion: surpass that magic number eight. Jump up behind her for a hug and a kiss on the neck, run your hands through his hair when you’re watching TV, smack her booty when she walks by just because.
4. Compliments are Great; Flirting is Better: Every woman, scratch that, everybody loves compliments. I don’t care who you are, you love when someone else, especially your significant other, compliments you, and even more specifically, when it’s about the way you look.
I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel when I finish working out, come home to take a shower, and my wife says, “Wow babe, you look great!” And I know she loves it when I tell her how great she looks, too. Some days I know she feels down, being six months pregnant and caring for our almost one-year-old — there are some tough days, but nothing is more beautiful or attractive than my wife as a mom. A woman’s body is on an entirely different level of amazing when compared to a man’s. The fact that they can create and house a life within them is mind boggling. So whether I’m telling her she’s the best mom in the world when she’s having a rough day, or saying how sexy she looks when she’s getting dressed in the morning, I always try to be flirty and fun.
5. Sex: You have to be nimble when you have a baby and you want to have sex. It’s not always going to be at night, in your bed, when the day is done and you’ve shared a bottle of wine together over a candlelit room. Sometimes it’s at 3:30pm when your baby boy is down for a nap that might only last 20-30 minutes and you have to bring the baby monitor in the spare room and get down to business. Doesn’t make it any less special, sometimes it makes it more fun even.
The point here is just to do it. Don’t see an opportunity and think, “Well, we’re both kind of tired, we’ll do it the next time.” The next time may not come for a while, so seize the day and get it on when you can!
– Myles
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